


Koholint? I'm afraid I don't understand.

by Jackalope108



Category: Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda) - Fandom, Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, I don't know what I'm doing, Linked Universe, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 10:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25469503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackalope108/pseuds/Jackalope108
Summary: Dark Link really wants to drag up Legend’s painful past, unfortunately for him Legend has other plans.Or, this is my first fic and I’m pretty sure it’s crack.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 171





	Koholint? I'm afraid I don't understand.

Legend couldn’t sleep.

So he did what he always did when he couldn’t sleep, he paced around outside of camp and sulked under the moonlight. He considered taking over Warriors watch, actually nah he’d be fine. He took a moment to appreciate the silence and distinct lack of annoying morons.

“Hero of Legend” purred a soft voice.

So much for that.

Legend whirled around to see a dark figure grinning from the shadows. “I have some demands to make of you.”

Could a hero sulk in peace these days?

He backed away slowly, hand on his sword. “Demands” he asked as loudly as possible, “for me?”

A moment passed. 

“Legend? What the-“ Warriors stumbled towards them and stopped, looking from Legend to Dink. Legend shot him a look.

“DINK!” Warriors shrieked. “DINK IS HERE! DINK IN THE FOREST!”

In an instant they were surrounded by heroes.

“YOU WANNA GO YOU SHADOWY MOSQUITO!? YOU WANNA FIGHT YOU RED-EYED WET SOCK!?”

Legend made a mental note: ask Wind to teach him insults.

Dink coughed. “They were supposed to be,“ he glanced nervously at the other heroes, “private demands.

“My apologies.”

“Anyhow” Dink continued, as if this was his plan all along, which it probably was, “there are certain things you must give to me, or the blood of those you love will be upon your hands.” He locked eyes with Legend. “They will vanish, like a bubble on a needle. Like the entirety of your second adventure.”

The group glanced uncertainly at each other, not knowing what Dink was talking about but guessing it was highly personal. This wasn’t the first time he had drug up one of the heroes past, and he always knew just what to say to either enrage or embarrass them. Or both. It was kind of becoming a problem. (Twilight was NOT happy when Dink outed him as Wolfie, and Time uncharacteristically tried to stab him when he mentioned Navi.)

—

Legend internally swore.

Dink was going on and saying something about Koholint and failures and whatever, but he wasn’t listening.

Koholint had always been a sore subject, mainly because of the amount of conflicted feelings and guilt attached to it. And Marin. He hated that Dink apparently knew of his greatest failure. He hated that he could just walk up and remind him.

In any case, it wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have in front of eight Heroes of Courage, and with _Dink_ of all people. 

So in true Legend fashion, he didn’t.

—

“Pardon me, but I’m gonna have to stop you there.” Legend interrupted, his face the picture of confusion. “My second adventure?”

Dink clearly wasn’t anticipating this. “Yes. Your second adventure. Where you killed an entire island of people, including your girlfriend.”

Legend become even more confused. “My second adventure was in Holodrum. It was pretty cool actually, as far as adventures go.”

“No” Dink shook his head, “Your _second_ adventure.” Legend nodded.

“To Holodrum. Rod of Seasons and all that.”

“No! The adventure _between_ Hyrule and Holodrum.”

“I think I would know if I had an adventure between Hyrule and Holodrum.”

Dink threw up his hands.

“Koholint!” he screamed.

The Veteran Hero crossed his arms. “Look” he said, voice laced with annoyance, “I don’t know what games you think you’re playing. I’ve never heard of a Koholint in my life.”

(None of the others had either, but considering Legend that wasn’t surprising.)

“Yes! You have! It was your _second_ adventure.”

This was going much better then Legend had expected.

He turned to look at Hyrule. “Rule, how many adventures have I been on?”

Hyrule froze, probably uncomfortable with all the eyes suddenly on him.

“Umm... this is your sixth I think.”

Legend nodded approvingly and turned back to Dink.

“That’s right. I have been on _six_ adventures.” His voice and gestures were slow and condescending, as if speaking to a toddler. “Hyrule” he held up a finger. “Holodrum, Labrynna, Hyrule again, Hytopia, and then I met these idiots.” He glared at Dink, holding six fingers in front of his face and daring him to challenge.

When Dink didn’t respond, he pressed again. "Honestly, has anyone here even heard of a Koholint? I’ve never seen it on any maps.” Dink growled.

“That’s cause it isn’t on any maps.”

Legend resisted the urge to smirk. Checkmate.

“Then how” he drawled, “can you prove it exists?”

“Well, I mean” Dink sputtered, “it doesn’t technically exist, but—“

“So you're telling me” Legend asked incredulously, “that I went on an adventure I don’t remember, to an island that doesn’t exist, and somehow got a girlfriend? Does she not exist too?”

Dink wanted to cry. All he wanted was to humiliate the hero.

“It doesn’t exist _anymore_.” He was growing desperate. “It doesn’t exist anymore because you destroyed it!”

“Listen, I’ve been through enough trauma in my life, there’s no need to invent more.”

For a moment they simply looked at each other, unsure of what else to say. Then Dink thought of something, smirking in triumph.

“Then where” he asked giddily, did you get _that_!?” He pointed at Legend.

“My neck?” Legend raised an eyebrow.

“No, your scar, a lightning scar! I know it’s there!”

The Veteran reached up and slowly pulled down the edge of his tunic to reveal a jagged scar.

“Oh this?” he asked. Legend looked Dink dead in the eye, relishing in the awkward silence.

“A birthmark.”

Dink looked upon Legend’s innocent smile and a single tear trickled down his face.

“I’ve had it forever at this point, pretty cool looking, don’t you think?”

Dink couldn’t handle this. The hero hadn't even let him dramatically make his demands. He put his head into his hands and vanished.

—

Legend smirked in victory and looked out over the group of stunned heroes. Hyrule looked worried. Four looked vaguely impressed. Time looked very tired.

Wind was slow clapping.

“You really had no idea what he was going on about?” asked Twilight, studying him. Legend shrugged.

“Honestly no.”

Hyrule gave him a scrutinizing look. “You know, the stories of my time speak of the Hero of Legend’s second adventure. They mention an isle called Koholint.

“You know what Rule? I’m pretty confident you just made that up.” Legend grinned and Hyrule rolled his eyes.

“I think we have learned a valuable lesson today” Legend said, trying to divert attention away from the adventure that definitely never happened.

He paused for dramatic effect, “However I’m not quite sure what it was.”

With those words of unhelpful wisdom, he walked over to his bedroll and tried once more to fall asleep.

Bonus:

“I know a dramatic performance when I see one.” Four nodded approvingly. “Very well executed, Vio would be proud.”

Legend didn’t know who Vio was, but he gave Four a fist bump anyway.

“I honestly don’t know what he was on about, next he’s going to tell me my mythical girlfriend turned into a seagull.”

Double Bonus:

Somewhere in the afterlife, Marin cried laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic I have no idea what I’m doing. I hoped it made you smile though!


End file.
